Have you ever been in a relationship which has given you nothing but grief and dissatisfaction? Have you tried to hang on to it, hoping that things will change for the better? When that has not happened, have you broken up in the long run?
Experiences in life differ. If you have been lucky, you will respond to each of these questions with a firm ‘no.’ Many others will state the exact opposite, having known what it means to experience unhappiness and worse in relationships.
Toxic relationships are hardly uncommon. Ending such associations is not rare either. As some would say, however, bad relationships are good teachers. The person at the receiving end becomes wiser, more practical and selective.
VALUE OF SELF-ESTEEM
Sushmit Sanyal, now 46, reflects on a failed relationship when he was in his 20s. “I found my former girlfriend immensely attractive when I met her for the first time. She liked me, too. We started going around very soon. Everything seemed hunky dory until her weaknesses came to the fore.”
Slowly, Sushmit realised that his girlfriend was an unreasonable and bad-tempered person. “She picked up arguments for absurd reasons and behaved so unreasonably that I got fed up. She made me feel small in front of her friends, which really hurt,” he remembers.
Left with no choice, he broke up with her. “It was just not worth it.” What lessons did the relationship teach him? “It taught me several things,” he says. “It taught me to value my self-esteem. I realised my first impression could be a terribly wrong one.
I also learned that, if a relationship has to fail, it will. One cannot stop that from happening.”
DITCHING IS A MISTAKE
The split broke her heart, but she learned many lessons along the way. “I realised that walking out of a good relationship is a big mistake. One must learn to preserve it instead of ditching one’s partner, no matter what the temptation might be. Besides, one must evaluate the person one seeks to date and be with. Letting our impulses guide us is a bad idea.”
Being in a toxic relationship is a heart-breaking experience. It messes with one’s peace of mind until the person who suffers decides to end it all for good. Such relationships teach us a lot, however, provided we are willing to learn.
A SUSPICIOUS PARTNER IS BAD NEWS
Smita Jha broke up with her boyfriend after she came across Rajeev, who had proposed to her without knowing that she was in a relationship. “Rajeev was such an intelligent and funny chap that I fell for him in spite of being in a happy relationship. I left my boyfriend and started dating him. In fact, we were madly in love.”
Things started to go wrong when Smita realised that Rajeev was the suspicious kind. “He called me throughout the day and checked where I was. As time went by, he told me he was wary because I had left my previous boyfriend to be with him. Our fights turned nasty, and he didn’t hesitate to hurl four-letter words repeatedly. Eventually, I left him.”
(by Biswadeep Ghosh)